Am I Grieving Wrong?

Why Grief Feels Different for Everyone

Have you ever looked at another widow and thought,
Why does she seem stronger than me?

Or wondered why you are still crying when someone else is already traveling, dating, or smiling again?

Maybe you have asked yourself quietly,
Am I grieving wrong?

If you have, I want you to hear this clearly.

THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY TO GRIEVE.
The way grief shows up in you makes sense for you.

No two people grieve the same way. Even when the loss looks similar from the outside, the experience inside each person is completely unique. Some cry every day. Some cannot cry at all. Some stay busy, while others can barely get out of bed. Some talk about their person constantly, and others go quiet for months. All of it makes sense.

When your person dies, you begin living in a world that does not fit anymore. Every person who enters that world will find their own way to survive it. The love you had, the way your story unfolded, your history, your personality, and your responsibilities all shape how grief shows up. There is no single version of it.

Still, comparison creeps in.

You see how someone else is coping and wonder why you cannot do the same. You hear about a widow who seems to be moving forward and you start to question yourself. You might think, She is stronger than I am. I should be doing better by now.

Those thoughts add more pain to an already unbearable experience.

Grief is not a race. It is not measured by time. It is not proof of strength or weakness. It is a relationship that continues between you and the person you love.

Some days that relationship feels tender. Other days it feels raw. There are seasons of stillness and seasons of movement. Each one has value.

When you stop comparing your grief to others, even just a little, something can soften. You begin to listen to what your own heart and body need instead of what the world tells you should help.

Maybe you need solitude.
Maybe you need company.
Maybe you need to sit in silence.
Maybe you need to walk outside and feel the air on your face.

Your needs will shift. That is not confusion. That is not failure. That is being human in the middle of loss.

You might also notice that your grief changes over time. What felt impossible one month may feel different the next. You may surprise yourself with a moment of calm or even laughter. Then a wave may return and remind you how fragile it all still is.

This is not relapse.
This is not doing it wrong.

This is the rhythm of grief.

The more you allow your grief to take its own shape, the more you begin to trust yourself. You realize there is no shoulds here. There is only the truth of how it feels right now. That truth is enough.

Grief asks for presence, not performance.

It invites you to stay honest with yourself, to listen, to breathe, and to keep showing up even when you do not know what comes next. In doing that, you begin to rebuild a life that is shaped not by comparison, but by what is real for you.

If you are quietly wondering whether you are doing this wrong, you do not have to sit with that alone.

I offer a Holding the Ember conversation, a free 45 minute call where we can talk about what your grief looks like and how to begin trusting yourself inside it. There is no pressure. Just space to be heard and understood.

You are not grieving wrong.

You are grieving the way someone grieves when they have loved deeply.