When Friends Fade Away
When grief hit, I thought my friends would hold me up. I thought they would call, check in, and stay close.
But many of them didn’t.
The calls stopped.
The texts got shorter.
Some disappeared completely.
The problem: I felt abandoned in my grief. Losing him was already unbearable. Losing my circle on top of it felt completely unfair.
And inside, I started blaming myself.
Am I too sad? Too broken? Not “getting better” fast enough?
The truth is, you shouldn’t have to feel abandoned when you’re already grieving. Grief is heavy enough without carrying shame too.
I’ve learned something important: when friends fade away, it isn’t because your grief is too much. It’s because they don’t know how to hold it. And that’s about them — not you.
Still, there is hope.
Because even while some friends step back, others quietly step forward. A neighbor who leaves soup. A cousin who calls just to listen. Another widow who simply nods because she understands.
A small plan that helped me:
I wrote down the names of people who felt safe to lean on.
I let myself notice who showed up — even in small ways.
I tried to lean toward those few, instead of chasing the ones who pulled away.
That shift mattered. Instead of staying stuck in the hurt of who was gone, I started to see the gift of who remained.
Losing friends in grief is real. It cuts deep. But even one person who stays is proof that love can still hold you here.
And if you need a place where you don’t have to wonder whether you’re “too much,” I offer a free conversation called Holding the Ember. It’s gentle space to tell the truth of your story and be met with understanding. You can find it here.
You don’t have to grieve alone. hugs 💜💚