Grief Changes Everything. Even the Grocery Store

Grief didn’t just show up on the day I lost him. It kept showing up in places I didn’t expect.

It showed up in the grocery store.

It showed up when my tire went flat and there was no one to call.

It showed up when I made just one cup of coffee.

It showed up when I reached for the pickles and remembered

he was the only one who ate them. 

(I mean, I like pickles but not enough to buy a whole jar.)

The hardest part wasn’t only that he was gone.

It was that every single thing in my world changed all at once.

Things that seemed small before felt huge now.

And most people around me didn’t see any of it.

I remember going to the BMV to put two cars in my name.

They were his 1974 Oldsmobile Cutlasses. 

(Yup, he had two of them)

He loved those cars.

I stood in line holding the paperwork. 

Holding his death certificate. 

My thoughts weren’t helping…

“My name doesn’t belong on these titles.”

“I am stealing his cars.”

I felt wrong. Out of place. Alone.

I didn’t know what to call that feeling.

I just knew it hurt.

They are called secondary losses.

They are the things that change in your life because your person died.

And they happen ALL. THE. TIME.

There’s no one to watch your bag at the airport.

There’s no way you can list him as your emergency contact.

There’s no help with making hard decisions.

Like which toaster to buy. 

Everything in your world was connected to your person.

So even something simple like filling up the gas tank

can remind you over and over and over again that he’s not here.

Knowing these losses are real helps.

It helps you stop wondering if you’re doing something wrong.

It helps you see that this is grief.

And it’s okay to feel it.

One way to walk through this part of grief

is to name these small but painful losses.

To say them out loud or write them down.

To notice when they show up and give yourself space to feel them.

You are not too sensitive. You are not being dramatic.

You are loving someone who isn’t here in all the ways they once were.

When you name these losses and let yourself feel them,

you are honoring your grief.

You are telling yourself the truth.

You are letting your heart catch up with your life.

And when you do that, you find something else too.

You see that you are doing this.

You are carrying something hard and still showing up.

You are walking through a world that changed

and finding your way through it.

You don’t have to rush.

You don’t have to fix it.

You just have to keep going.

You can do this.