What If You’re Not Doing It Wrong?

It’s been six months.
It shouldn’t hurt this much.

That is what I used to tell myself.
I thought there was a timeline.
I thought there was a point when it would stop feeling so big.
I thought time would mean less pain.

Anything with time is a lie.
We use time to bully ourselves.
We use time to prove that we are doing grief the “right” way.
Or that we are strong enough.

But grief does not work that way.
Time does not heal by itself.
Time does not make love smaller.

I started to notice the thoughts that showed up again and again.
Thoughts like "I should be over this by now."
"I shouldn’t still be crying."
When I saw those thoughts, I realized they were adding more pain on top of my grief.

I learned to challenge them.
I learned to say, "This is grief. It is okay to feel this."
I started to choose other thoughts that helped me.
Thoughts like "I am not doing it wrong."
"I can let this feeling be here without shame."

When I did this, I felt a little more free.
I felt less alone.
I felt less broken.
I could see that I was not failing.
I was just loving someone who was no longer here.

You can notice those thoughts too.
You can choose to let go of the time rules.
You can choose kinder thoughts that help you carry this pain.

When you do this, you give yourself more kindness.
You give your heart more space to breathe.
You see that you are not doing it wrong.
You are just grieving.

If you need a soft place to talk this out, I am here.
You can sign up for a free Holding the Ember call.
Or you can download my free writing journal prompts.
Both can help you find gentle words for what is in your heart.